Dear John

So, we kinda drank a lot during Wednesday night's debate. As a result, our notes are not exactly comprehensive, but we do have some initial thoughts that we'd like to share with Senator McCain, because he's totally reading this. (And of course we'll have more to say on issues like equal pay and this mysterious "women's health" thing later.)


Dear John:

~When you're asked about Sarah Palin and you say "I can't tell you how proud I am of her", it sounds like you're talking about a niece who just won a spelling bee, not a vice presidential candidate.

~Trig Palin has Down syndrome, not autism.

~Is Joe The Plumber one of those "Joe Sixpack" guys that Sarah Palin keeps talking about, or is this a whole new thing? We're just trying to keep track.

~Equal pay for equal work is not a "dream" for "trial lawyers", it's a dream for WOMEN. It's also an economic issue that affects lots of women and families, and since your campaign is "about the economy" when it's not about William Ayers or people shouting threats at your campaign rallies, you might try not being quite so dismissive.

~The term is pro-choice, not "pro-abortion". And enough already with claiming that Obama shoots babies from a helicopter in his spare time or whatever you're trying to sell here, it's not working.

~Adoption is not a perfect kittens-and-rainbows process or a magical perfect solution for every unplanned pregnancy, and simply crying "adoption rules!" should not be a get out of jail free card that allows you to ignore issues like sex education and affordable birth control.

~My health is not some abstract concept or gimmick that belongs in air quotes. All women deserve to be just as healthy after a pregnancy as we are before or during it.

~Or, to put it another way, when you say stuff like this: "Just again, the example of the eloquence of Senator Obama. He's health for the mother. You know, that's been stretched by the pro-abortion movement in America to mean almost anything. That's the extreme pro-abortion position, quote, 'health.'" That makes many of us, quote, "women" decide that we are going to take our, quote, "vote" and use if for, quote, "Obama" because you are a, quote, "sexist jerk".

~"Eloquent" is not an insult. I guess you're trying to make "eloquent" the new "elitist", as part of the continuing quest of many Republicans to demonize things like getting a good education, providing actual answers to questions, and thinking. But stop trying to make "fetch" happen, okay?

~Since you've stated that you don't care about equal pay for women or about women's health, I'd like to request that you stop saying "my friends" all the time and instead just say "my male friends" or "my boys" or "my homies" or something.

~Please don't ever make this face again. Think of the children.