Twilight Ruined Everything!!

This is hilarious. Well, hilarious and fucking annoying.

So yesterday we decided on a whim to make a few vampire-themed designs for Cafepress... mainly because we're trying to divert our attention from obsessing over the upcoming True Blood finale until it gets here.

The designs included a bleeding heart (with fang marks) for the shop "Vamp Love"; the same bleeding heart was featured in an "I Love Eric" design, and the third design was just the words "Maenad".We admit this wasn't exactly our best work (it pales in comparison to some of our earlier designs, including our Suck It series) but eh, what the hell, we love True Blood... other people love True Blood... why not make some silly T-shirts?

So as I was tagging the images with the generic vampire-related tag words and a few specific to True Blood, I decided to push our shamelessness a little further by throwing in the word "Twilight" (you know, in case we could persuade some teenybopper vamp fans to turn toward a move grownup vampire drama). Eh, I know, it was stupid, but I was thinking of Big Debbie the whole time...

Anyway, today we received this lovely message in our Inbox:

Dear Shopkeeper,

Your image has been pended because it did not comply with Twilight Movie Fan Portal Merchandise Rules. Please review the information below.

TWILIGHT FAN PORTAL MERCHANDISE RULES

All images created for the Official Twilight Movie Fan Portal must comply with the following rules. Please note that the rules may be more restrictive than the CafePress Content Usage Policy, however we need to respect the creative decisions of the author and the movie studio.

• No use of the official Twilight movie logo e.g.
  
• All images must be tagged with "twilight movie"
  
• No use of images or depictions of the actors in the movie
  
• No use of profanity, vulgar or hate language
  
• No use of explicit sexual language or graphics
  
• No use of copyrighted material from the movie or its promotional materials (e.g. no use of images of the movie, movie posters or from the movie website)
  
• No political party associations (e.g. republican, democrat, or candidates)
  
• No blood
  
• No fangs
  
• No stakes thru the heart
  
• No coffins
  
• No bats
  
• No use of Twilight book cover images
  
• No pictures of apples
  
• No journals (you cannot create Twilight journal products)
  
• No calendars (you cannot create Twilight calendar products)
  
• No Cards (you cannot create Twilight postcards, greeting cards and note cards)
  
• No Undergarments (you cannot create Twilight thongs or boxer shorts)
  

Please make sure you adhere by the above rules when creating your merchandise or your images may be pended, which will prevent them from being used on products.

If you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact us.

Sincerely,

Content Usage Associate
Cafepress.com

I shit you not. I couldn't even make that up if I wanted to. Now some of it is pretty understandable... no use of their official logo or images of actors in the film, because that crosses over into copyright issues. But wow, no use of blood or fangs for a vampire-related product? Really? The Twilight people are so crazy that they won't allow you to associate their "brand" with blood!? Now, I admit I haven't seen the movie or read the books so maybe I'm not up on my Twilight fakey vampire mythology, but, isn't some association with blood kind of crucial to the whole being-a-vampire thing?

What's annoying is that the products in question have nothing to do with Twilight specifically, except that they happened to be vampire-themed. It's not as though I created a bunch of "I Love Edward" items (barf!!) or named it "Twilight Vamp Love" or whatever. (It's also hilarious that they don't allow Twilight underwear. I guess that's because no one in Twilight-universe is has sex anyway.)

Anyway, I quickly removed the "twilight" tags and contacted Cafepress so hopefully the images will be reinstated shortly and the shops reopened. We apologize for any inconvenience regarding your True Blood t-shirt shopping experience and hope you will check back on our links later on! We will post another update when we receive word back from Cafepress.

Thanks!

PS: In case it wasn't already clear, Twlight can suck it.

Crossposted: EvilSlutopia.com

Update: The stores are back up temporarily (don't ask) but who knows how long that will last so you better buy these items while you can!!!